I was hungry as I drove home from work, so I paid a bit more attention to the signs along the off-ramp. One of the signs was for Denny's, which made me think of the handful of times I've been to Denny's, one of those memories was of an ex-girlfriend who ordered a steak for breakfast, and that reminded me of my old blog. cmcgee230.blogspot.org, I think it was, might be wrong, I have an XML somewhere that was the whole thing. I don't want to see it again though.
But I did want to write again, because the more I thought about that hideous blog the more I realized how sort of.. fun, maybe? Cathartic? Impactful? Meaningful regardless, that running a blog was for me. Today my brain was in a sort of idle mode, it's the fourth day of my six day stretch, I work part time so that's a bit for me- and to pass the time as I was making the motions I guess I kept thinking of a scenario where I got into deep, deep trouble that would ultimately surmise in my execution.
The scenario itself was taboo, horrible, good enough to catch headlines and ire nationwide. The act wasn't what made me keep thinking about it though. I kept thinking about how I would act, react in the courtcase drama that would sort of play out after the fact. It wasn't that I stood a chance of being innocent, it was more of this display of aggression and bile I kept spewing while being pitted in the corner by the prosecution, which no doubt had two upper hands on me.
I kept thinking maybe I had some sort of personality that would make me interesting to watch even past this horrible deed I kept thinking about that I did, that maybe this spectacle I would draw on would give me any sort of namesake. Because that's where it all flows; what will I leave behind? Well if my outlet is a blog one would figure I leave behind some written works. That's always been a maybe in my head. While I do enjoy writing, I don't really see it as a career path.
Likewise I enjoy playing on my computer, but that didn't pan out as a career path either. I'd probably have a better chance writing than going back to college, finishing even an associates and getting some entry-level IT job. I don't want to sit in a student's desk ever again though. My future is indecisive, I've been holding out on slack magic to save me somehow. Anyways of the execution that that brain scenario had, I thought lethal injection was probably the most euphoric, I was kind of getting jealous of those guys getting a chemical lullaby to the big sleep, only hope they'd do without strapping me in.
